Resume & Cover Letter Bloopers
Here is another web meme, found in the wilds of the Internet. It claims to have been published in Fortune magazine. Anyway, it’s funny.
These are (supposedly) real comments and notes culled from resumes and cover letters. All misspellings and typos are original.
“I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
“I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
“I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail.”
“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.”
“My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in
meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never
quit a job.”
“Marital status: often. Children: various.”
“Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under thos conditions.”
“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”
“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
“References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
Got any good ones? Let us know in the comments!
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Oh man, people are crazy! I love the article. I actually have seen someone use chat speak in a resume. How disturbing is that? Needless to say, for some reason we preferred to hire folks that could write in full words and minus thousands of “miss spelings”.
-Kristen
keepsbuns@yahoo.com
One of my favorites is ‘Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse’ because R isn’t even near U on the keyboard.
These are pretty funny. All I can say is use spell check! I read enough resumes all day long to know any spelling error will cost you the job!
-Harry Vee (veester29@gmail.com)
I currently review resumes for my company right now as well. I’ve seen some good ones! Here my personal favorite:
“No edjucation but can get a G.E.D. by tomorrow.”
It’s so funny to see what people put on their resumes. If I was a person who had one of this resumes or cover letter I would be really embarrassed since most of those were pretty bad.
Haha these are too funny, did they really expect to get a job with these things on their resumes? I enjoyed reading these and hope there is more to come. Nick S. stock623@gmail.com
Those ones are pretty funny the best I’ve seen was “I believe that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…”
It’s really sad part of resume makers that they write so much misspellings, typos, wrong and unwanted information, incorrect grammar etc. They need to be more cautious on this.
Extremely interesting and funny look at some resume errors! Never ceases to amaze me what people miss when reviewing their work! Great Stuff!
Nic
spammytime@gmail.com
“In a graduating class with a 99% success rate……i was that 1%”
Dustin J dustinj81@yahoo.com
Randomshapeless Randomspaceless@gmail.com
Reminds me of when a friend of mine growing up tricked his boss by submitting a bogus application. He put under “technical expertise” Rotary phones and 28.8kbps modems.
neifferg@yahoo.com
Gage Neiffer
Eye kan bery muchh sow sumpathyss wit tis gie. Eye con knot spelle bery wele eyether. Eye thot tis twas bery amoosing az vell.
Tommy Rokhstein TRS1@gmail.com
This actually was a great deal of help to me and came at the perfect time too. Im currently looking for a job, and have been in the process of sending out a lot of resumes and cover letters. In my cover letters i have been sending out the same basic template and just adjusting the company name and position for each one until i got some ideas form this post.
A hared working job aspirant wrote in his job application ” I am a sincere and responsible person. Whatever work I am entrusted I hardly work”
that is ridiculous. im not sure that anyone could be that foolish. i mean im surprised that any of those people could read no less create a resume
Brian Priest
babaable2121@live.com
That is hilarious. My favorite one is “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
Where did you find this stuff?
Keep up the good work.
Always try to keep your resume simple and easy for the reader to follow and understand. Don’t make it too fancy and stick to the straight forward facts
These are too funny. Some of them seem unbelievable, but if they are in fact real… well that’s too funny. The workforce at work.
It’s hard to believe that any of these could be considered truthful comments from cover letters and resumes. People would either have to be way too cocky or way too stupid to write such ridiculous things on such an important document. When I write a resume I keep it short, sweet, and humble.
-ERan from nightcaptain@hotmail.com
OMG these are so funny!!! I personally like the one where they person received a plague for Salesman of the year lmao. This is very good stuff, enjoying reading through it
Kyle Koss
kyle.koss1@yahoo.com
Those are all absolute rippers! I do like the Word Perfect one. As an employer in hospitality, I always have people asking me for work, we I ask them to bring me a resume I never see them again. That says something in its self.
Very funny! I have seen some pretty bad ones like:
“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”
“I prefer lunch to be gin at Noon everyday.”
But I think this list has some of the best ones I have seen.
Dan Rice
drice48@gmail.com
Some of these sentences look as though they are being written by kindergartners, the typo’s and lack of grammar are evident, not to mention the jokes are horrible.
damen, damenz51893@hotmail.com
Lawl, this is pretty funny, especially like the last one reminds me of myself! Too bad some people never learned to use a word processor.
Tain Voyer
takealvoy@hotmail.com
“i slacked off on tps raports, and was told id be a better janator.”
haha those were some good ones. Its amazing how people can still misspell words even with the advent of spellcheck.
It is true, most people will walk into a company and demand or state the most rediculus statements. The article above is truthful and insightful, even humorous. My favorite quote is, “Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under thos conditions.” That’s just crazy.
Ha, these are great, but the real question is? Could you ever recover from some of these? This is when lying may have been the right thing to do no? Excellent post made me smile
It’s hard to believe that any of these could be considered truthful comments from cover letters and resumes. People would either have to be way too cocky or way too stupid to write such ridiculous things on such an important document. When I write a resume I keep it short, sweet, and humble. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never
quit a job.” That is my favorite
i hate it when i end up doing the same. not on resumes but on other stuff. im pretty use to “chat speak” and all but i do during homework.
-victor machuca
vmachuca1989@yahoo.com
“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.” - There is something about this one that cracks me up because I saw something very similar to this at my school one time for someone who was running for Senior Class President!
Hilarious Article, feel bad for the chaps that put these on their applications