Want Some Advice? Learn to Type

The one skill you need that will serve you well in almost any job on the planet?

Typing.

It doesn’t matter if you dig holes or design clothes, fight for your country or manufacture widgets. After speaking, typing is the main way people communicate — and with the growth of the Internet, those two methods may switch places in importance.

Many professionals assume they don’t have to know how to type (or for that matter, how to operate a computer). They assume that because they’re an expert in law, or medicine, or engineering, or marketing, that they can stick to those skills and let the peons do the typing (or use the computer).

Not true. No matter your profession, if you can’t use a PC or Mac, then you’re not qualified. Every profession on the planet requires computer skills today, even if it’s just to use email. Even the Amish are using computers now (no joke).

And if you can’t type, then you’re just slowing yourself down, and putting yourself at the mercy of your subordinates who can type.

I have to make an admission here — I’m a professional writer, and I can’t type. At least, I can’t type correctly. I use three fingers on my right hand and one on my left. Yet, I still type 52 words a minute.

I was once hired to teach typing to adult students! I passed the typing test with my 52 wpm score. So for a year, I taught typing. I never learned typing, but my students did, and that’s what counts. Right?

I sometimes wonder how fast I would be if I learned to type correctly. Maybe it’s time I found out.

Tags: Employment, job advice, job skills, typing

How Not to Get Fired

So you’re getting fired or laid off. It happens to everyone at some point. But making the situation worse than it has to be is always a mistake, and will come back to haunt you later.

Don’t get emotional. Actually, I take that back — of course you’ll be emotional. But don’t show it. Don’t get angry, or vindictive, or loud. Remain professional. People will be watching how you react — and some of those people may have an opportunity to help you in the future with your career.

Don’t argue. By the time someone is informing you that you’re out, the decision has been discussed, discussed again, approved and recorded for posterity on paperwork. It’s too late for argument — you won’t be able to talk your way back into your job.

Don’t threaten. Don’t bring up the many no-doubt-valid lawsuits or complaint actions you’ve fantasized about. If you have a real claim, bringing it up during the firing process will just endanger the claim. If you don’t have a real claim, well then you’re just being an ass.

Don’t steal from the company. I know you want to grab as much stuff from your desk as you can on your way out — don’t. If you personally purchased it with your own money, then take it. But if it’s the company’s, whether a laptop computer or a broken pencil, just leave it. Don’t set yourself up for further trouble.

What do all these rules have in common? Don’t burn bridges. No matter what you think of your company now that they’re cutting you loose, you gain nothing by causing trouble or taking revenge. If you have a genuine claim against a firm, then pursue it. Otherwise, behave yourself. Future employers will most likely contact the firm that laid you off, and you don’t want them saying anything that might hurt your future employment chances.

Go home, spend a week in bed, and then get out there and find a new job. And if anyone asks you what happened at the old firm, just grit your teeth and say “they’re a good company, but it didn’t work out.”

Tags: firings, five-finger discount, job advice, lawsuits, layoffs

How to Deal With a Bad Boss

Just about everyone has had to deal with a bad boss — a supervisor who is mean, incompetent, manipulative, inappropriate, unprofessional, or all of the above. It’s like they say: those who can, do; those who can’t, teach; and those who can’t teach, manage.

But how do you deal with a difficult boss, when you job relies on keeping this insane person happy?

The best advice is: find a new employer. You shouldn’t have to put up with an unprofessional supervisor, and a clean break is the best cure.

Unfortunately, for a lot of people, this is not an immediate option, not in this economy.

Be unfailing professional. In the face of whatever bad boss behavior is driving you crazy, be calm, businesslike and mature. Of course, any employee or employer should behave this way anyway. But by being aggressively professional despite your boss’ antics, you will (1) impress other people at the company, including someone who might be in the position to get you out from under this bad boss, and (2) you might — might– actually influence your boss to behave better.

Some people call this “managing up,” a term I hate because it implies it’s your job to fix your boss. It’s not — but any positive steps you can take will just make your life easier.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If your boss ignores your emails, gives contradictory instructions, or plans meetings during lunch without providing food, you’re just going to have to live with it until you get out of there.

Report the big stuff. If your boss is sexually harassing you, or physically or emotionally abusing you, you do not have to put up with this, nor should you. Go straight to your HR manager, if the firm has one. If you work at a small firm, consider speaking to a lawyer or a government agency. But this kind of thing is not okay.

Don’t badmouth your boss to other people at the firm. Everyone probably already knows your boss is insane, and will show you sympathy and may even be able to help you deal with him or her. But if you go around criticizing your boss to everyone, this will be noticed by management, who may come to see you as more of a problem than your supervisor. If you have to vent, vent at home. And don’t write criticism of your boss in IM or on email at work –your company can read that stuff!

Have any more advice about dealing with bad bosses? Let us know in the comments!

Tags: bad bosses, human resources, job advice, office politics, sexual harassment

Work from Home, Make Big Buck$

We’ve all seen those signs by the freeway offramp, advertising work-at-home jobs for big, big pay. But seriously, do you really want to work for someone who advertises on a plastic sign stapled to a telephone pole?

As the economic meltdown continues to melt, more firms are saving money by allowing employees to telecommute. Here are some tips on working from home.

1.) Don’t let your home distract you from work. It’s easy to wander off for “just a few minutes” to see if the SciFi Channel is showing that episode of Star Trek: Enterprise where Jolene Blaylock takes her top off. Next thing you know, you’re behind on your work.

Create a home office. You don’t need to build an addon to your house; just create a workspace that contains nothing except what you need to do your work. Make sure you can’t see a TV from where you sit. During work hours, keep your mind on work. It’s the same thing with family issues and the cable guy stopping by — you’re not at home, you’re at work, even if you’re physically at home.

2.) Back up all of your work. If your computer at work goes down and there aren’t any backups, that’s IT’s fault. If it happens at home, it’s your fault. Back up all your work files and emails to an external drive or an Internet data storage service; and use one of several free online services to store your work-related browser bookmarks.

3.) Don’t call yourself a “cloudworker.” It’s fatuous.

4.) Let your employer know where you are and what you’re doing. Employers’ biggest problem with telecommunitng is not being able to directly track workers.

Stay in communication with your boss and coworkers. If you have to do something during the day, like a doctor’s appointment or a personal emergency, treat it the same way you would if you worked in an office. Let the right people know. Don’t just sneak off.

If you want to be trusted, you have to be trustworthy.

5.) Write off all your at-home work expenses. Keep all your receipts. It’s worth the hassle.

Got any advice for telecommuters? Let us know in the comments!

Tags: cloudworker, job advice, professionalism, telecommuting, work at home

Have Your People Call My People, and We’ll Do Lunch

Attending a business lunch seems simple enough — eat, talk, get back to work. That is, until you’re written up, fired, or even just embarrassed about a faux pas.

Here are some rules for business lunches (and dinners, breakfasts, brunches, afternoon snacks, elevenses and drinks after work):

Be on time. Of course, this rule applies to everything in business. Just because your schedule is messed up doesn’t mean you get to share yor tsuris with everyone else. It’s rude and unprofessional. Canceling at the last minute is bad, too.

Treat the meal like a meeting. Yes, a meal is intended to be more casual than a formal meeting. Feel free to discuss things other than business. But at some point, there’s business to be done, so do it. Don’t get distracted by the food, the atmosphere, or that super sexy server of the opposite sex.

Be careful what you say. You don’t have a Get Smart-style Cone of Silence. You never know who’s listening. Discussing firing that secretary while she’s sitting at the next table is unprofessional and betrays a real lack of class and tact. Sensitive conversations should be held behind closed doors at the office, not at Daily Grill.

Kill your cell phone. You’re outside the office, and you’re supposed to be concentrating on your lunch guest, whether it’s a client, vendor, competitor, headhunter or that employee you’re firing in public so he or she can’t make a scene. Turn your cell phone off. In fact, you should do this whenever you visit a restaurant, even on your personal time. Theaters, too. But feel free to use your cell phone in a hospital — that stuff about affecting the medical machinery is total BS.

No three martini lunches. Don’t drink alcohol at lunch. Remember, you have to go back to work. Showing up drunk is a career killer.

Who pays? The person who called the meeting picks up the check. If that’s you, pony up. If it’s not you, avoid the lobster. Never order anything more expensive than what the person paying is getting.

So get out there and have a great lunch!

Tags: business communication, business etiquette, business lunch, discretion, etiquette, job advice, meetings

Four Great Workplace Movies

We learn a lot of things from the movies. For instance, Hollywood films are the only reason everyone knows the words to the Miranda Warning, or that the Titanic broke into two pieces before it sank, or that you can save a mob boss’ wife from a heroin overdose with a syringe full of adrenaline.

We can also learn from the movies when it comes to the workplace. Disclosure taught us that women can sexually harass men, too; 9 to 5 taught us that male bosses will steal ideas from their female employees; and Working Girl taught us that female bosses will steal ideas from their female employees.

Here are four workplace films we can all learn from:

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

Based on the novel by Lauren Weisberger, the film tells the story of Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway), an immature, self-centered executive assistant based on the real-life Lauren Weisberger. She goes to work for manipulative, malevolent, egomaniacal fashion exec Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), based on the real-life Anna Wintour.

We’re supposed to feel bad for Andy, as she suffers under Miranda’s insane manipulations. But Andy just comes across as a flighty ingrate; while the Miranda character, undoubtedly evil, does in fact keep every promise she makes to Andy, including offering her a real career at the end of the movie. When Andy turns it down to find a more meaningful life outside of fashion, she comes across not as a paragon of integrity, but as just stupid.

The lesson: pay your dues without complaint. Also, if your boss is a maniac, then just quit — don’t whine about it all the time, and then quit just as it’s paying off for you.

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

The message of this film, based on the 1984 David Mamet play, is very simple. DO NOT EVER WORK IN SALES. EVER.

Clerks (1994)

The other workplace films on this list feature office environments. I thought I’d give the blue collar a little love.

Clerks is the little no-budget indie film that made Kevin Smith famous. If you’ve never heard of Kevin Smith, it’s because you’re a Baby Boomer or older, and I can’t help you with that.

Clerks is the tale of a day in the life of two convenience store clerks, the irresponsible Randall and the overly-responsible Dante. Mostly they trade insults, discuss Star Wars, mock the customers, play hockey and attend a funeral. And they swear. A lot.

The message is, if you have a lousy job and no other prospects, do what you have to do to make it bearable. Also, if your customers are idiots, it’s okay to abuse them. I don’t suggest following that last piece of advice, but it’s in the movie.

Office Space (1999)

Mike Judge’s Office Space is hands-down the funniest workplace comedy ever made, and one of the funniest comedies ever made period. If you’re saying to yourself that Mike Judge created Beavis & Butthead, so you refuse to watch his movie, then I say to you well, he also created King of the Hill and Idiocracy. If that doesn’t change your mind, then again, I can’t help you.

Office Space is the story of Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston), a disgruntled computer programmer who despises his job, his company and his life. His cheating girlfriend drags him to an occupational hypnotherapist, who puts Peter into a state of perfect relaxation. Before he can bring Peter out of the trance, the hypnotherapist dies of a heart attack.

Now completely free of stress, Peter blows off his job and asks out the gorgeous waitress (Jennifer Aniston) at the chain restaurant next door. Suddenly Peter, with his new-found fearless honesty and calm, pleasant demeanor, finds his career on the rise. But while Peter does no work and gets promoted, his buddies Michael and Samir, who toil like slaves, are going to be laid off.

Disturbed by the unfairness of the situation, Peter talks Michael and Samir into joining a scheme to embezzle from the company. The plan goes horribly, horribly wrong, and with his hypnosis wearing off, Peter must find a way to save himself and his friends from their mistake, and keep them all out of PMITA prison (if you’ve seen the movie, you know what that is).

The film is full of lessons. First, if you hate your job, find another one. Second, if you must stay in a bad job, don’t let it affect your personal life. Third, don’t be afraid to stand up to your abusive boss — he can’t hurt you as much as you think he can. Fourth, yes, you can ask out the hot waitress at the chain restaurant, just be pleasant and confident.

And fifth, you know that computer embezzlement scheme from Superman III? Yeah, don’t try that.

Tags: humor, job advice, movies

How to Tell You’re Going to Lose Your Job

In this economy, everyone is in a precarious position career-wise. But there are ways to tell if a firing or lay off looms on your horizon.

You don’t have enough work.

Symptoms: Your boss isn’t assigning you enough work to keep you busy all day. This could be because he or she doesn’t want to give you an assignment you won’t be around the finish. Or, maybe he or she no longer trusts you. Or the reasons could be innocent — maybe the whole company doesn’t have enough work. Perhaps your boss simply isn’t aware you have free time.
The cure: Don’t be afraid to go to your boss and ask for more work. Even if you really are on the short-list for a layoff, asking for more responsibility may change management’s mind. And if they won’t give you more work, it’s time to start updating that resume.

You’re out of the loop.

Symptoms: You used to get invited to all the good meetings. Your boss would stop by to chat. People asked for your opinion, and not just about whether last night’s Lost made any sense. Now, you’re not in the loop anymore. If you hear about important office issues, it’s through the rumor mill and not through official channels. You’re feeling isolated.
The cure: Again, go to your boss. Or if he or she won’t help, then your boss’ boss. Maybe there’s a good reason you’re out of the loop — to help give you more time to get your work done, for example. But simply asking to get back in the action may be enough to deal you back in.

Your boss gets fired, or quits.

Symptoms: One day you get to work, and your boss is gone. You’re assigned to a different supervisor (or if you’re very unlucky, multiple supervisors). But you’re still associated with your old boss, and to some people, this makes you expendable. And if they replace your superior with a new hire, he or she may wish to fill your position with someone of their choosing.
The cure: Communicate directly with your new supervisor. Don’t try to be “loyal” to your old boss — who does that help? Not your old boss, he or she is gone! Make sure your new boss knows you are on their team.

Your firm is recruiting to fill your position.

Symptoms: The company keeps bringing in people to fill a position suspiciously similar to yours. They may even ask you to interview the candidates! And if you’re skimming through craigslist and see your job up for grabs — well, how much evidence do you need?
The cure: Get out. Now.

Tags: firings, job advice, layoffs