How to Choose Your References

Many employers will ask you for a list of references, either when you apply, or upon arranging an interview. For some reason, they always want three references — that’s the magic number.

When a potential employer contacts one of your former companies’ HR department, that HR manager can only confirm your employment and give a few other specific facts. They can not issue opinions — it’s illegal.

So your prospective employer wants to talk to someone who can give opinions and answer specific questions about you, someone who worked directly with you on a day-to-day basis — a coworker, a client, a colleague, or best of all, a former supervisor.

These people can give your prospective employer this information because you have given them permission to do so, by picking them as references.

Now, your potential employer knows these people, whom you chose as references, are very unlikely to say anything negative about you, at least on purpose. Of course, they could badmouth you, if they wanted. But the employer just wants to know that you have been able to make a good impression on at least some of your former colleagues.

So remember:

Do not give personal references unless asked. The hirer doesn’t want to talk to your best friend, or your LARPing buddy, or your significant other, or heaven forfend, your mom. They want professional references. In the one-in-ten-googol chance they do ask for personal references (really, only banks do that, when making loans), then you can provide them. But still, don’t use your mom.

Only list people with whom you have worked. Your college professor, local Rotary Club president or rabbi may love you to bits, but you didn’t work with them. Only use references like these at the very beginning of your career — and replace them with real colleagues as soon as possible.

Ask someone if they’re willing to be a reference. Always get permission — don’t surprise any of your former colleagues by giving out their contact info to strangers. Get explicit permission. You don’t have to do this every time you give out their name — just asking once is fine. Also, asking permission is a great way to make sure the reference doesn’t intend to say anything about the sexual harassment lawsuit or the arson charges.

Get the contact info right. It looks very bad when a prospective employer can’t get a hold of your references. Very bad. If you don’t even have this person’s current phone number, than how well could you possibly know each other?

Don’t list your parole officer as a reference. Or your drug dealer. Or your 12-step sponsor. Unless she’s also your mom.

Tags: job application advice, job search advice, personal references, professional references, references

Ten Ways to Ensure You Don’t Get Hired

Want to help out total strangers by letting them have that job for which you applied? Do you enjoy living in your mom’s basement eating Hot Pockets? Have you decided to move to Berkeley and live in a van down by the river?

Then here are ten ways to assure you don’t get hired.

Send a resume that gets noticed! No, not by clearly laying out your qualifications, silly. Print it on thick pink paper, with a piece of candy tied with a ribbon in one corner. And clip a photo of yourself to it, maybe that great Halloween costume shot from last year. Human resources managers love that kind of thing. They’ll eat the candy, show to photo around the office for mockery, and then file your resume — in the round file.

Ignore directions. The company may ask for your resume in a certain file format, or ask that your cover letter be a separate file. They may instruct you to send a writing sample, or just a link to your online portfolio. Whatever they ask you to do — they don’t mean it. Just do what’s convenient for you. You can be certain they’ll interview people who know how to follow instructions. And not you.

Call the employer every day. There’s nothing a human resources manager enjoys more than a job applicant who won’t leave them alone. Calling every day, even when asked to not call, tells the employer you are (1) motivated, (2) annoying and (3) possibly a psychopath.

Lie about your education and qualifications. Of course you’ve been through Harvard — by car! Yes, Denzel Washington is one of your references — you got his autograph back when he was on St. Elsewhere! Sure, you can operate 80-ton capacity rail crane with 5000kg chain hoists — how hard could it be? And there’s no way to check these things, right? Right?

Be late for the interview. The employer gets it — bad traffic, car trouble, bus was late, your water broke. No problem! Why should you be constrained by a repressive white male idea of linear time, anyway? You made yourself look bad next to all the employees who arrived punctually, but I’m sure that won’t hurt your chances.

Dress like a teenager for the interview. It tells the employer you’re fun! And I’m sure “fun” is eaxctly what they’re looking for in a new employee.

Go into details about your personal life and hobbies. Seriously, it’s an all new Klan nowadays. It’s like the Rotary Club, but with hoods. We even have black members! Well… members named “Black.”

Learn nothing about the company. That way you’re a fresh slate, a tabula rasa if you will. Employment is like being on a jury — the less you know, the better.

Badmouth your old company. Everyone enjoys humorous stories about how terrible your old job was. I’m sure the new employer won’t assume you’d badmouth their firm behind their back.

And if you do somehow manage to get hired, call in sick your first day. Just let them know you were feeling a bit woozy and decided to stay in bed. Don’t call in sick too early — around 11 or 11:30am should be fine.

Good luck not getting hired! See you in the dole queue!

Tags: bad advice, interview mistakes, job search advice, resumes

The Cover Letter: First Impressions Are Everything!

Some people think they can get away with submitting a resume, without including a cover letter.

These people are usually referred to as “unemployed.”

Of course you need a cover letter, even if a job ad doesn’t specifically ask for one. (On the rare occasion when you are asked not to send one, then don’t!) Including a cover letter that has clearly been personalized for the specific company and position tells the employer you care enough to take the time.

Also, the cover letter is the first thing an employer sees. It’s your introduction. Don’t mess it up!

Never send a generic cover letter. Sure, you may have some basic text you always include. But be sure to mention the company and the position by name in the body of the cover letter. And tweak the description of your experience and skills to match the requirements of the particular position. Use the same wording as the job ad.

Mention how you learned about the job. If it was passed along by a person at the firm, then name that person.

Describe the most important aspects of your skills and experience that pertain to this position. This is how you convince the employer to take a real look at your resume. Also, resumes are very formally structured — here’s your chance to lay out, in plain English, exactly why you’re right for the job.

Reflect your attitude. If you’re excited about the position, then tell them! The cover letter is also your opportunity to demonstrate that you are a professional person — by writing a very professional cover letter. Typos, misspellings, bad grammar, and a casual tone will not help you.

Provide anything else mentioned in the job ad. This may include a salary history, or a writing sample, or a link to your web site. (You don’t have your own web site? Hey, they also have this new thing called a “horseless carriage,” you should look into it. Also, did you know they cured polio?) Be sure to explicitly follow every instruction in the job ad.

If attaching files to an email as documents, keep your resume.doc and your coverletter.doc separate. Don’t combine them. This goes for uploads to company job sites as well.

Got any cover letter advice of your own to share? Let us know in the comments!

Tags: cover letter, Job Search, job search advice, resumes, writing

What’s Your Email Address?

Here in the first decade of the 21st Century, we may be lacking flying cars, personal teleportation and household robots. But what we do have is the Internet, which is taking over every aspect of our lives.

That’s why today, if you’re going to hear from a recruiter, you’ll most likely have your first contact by email, rather than by phone. Your email address needs to be on your resume and cover letter; it must be associated with any info you have posted on job search sites or company career pages; and it should be on your personal web site.

You don’t have a personal web site? What are you, Amish?

But it’s important what email address you provide to possible employers. Create an email account specifically for your job search, separate from any other accounts you use in personal life or your work.

Absolutely DO NOT use your current work email. Not only may your company be monitoring your email, they actually own any information you share via that account. Also, if prospective employers see you using your current company’s email for job searches, they’ll assume you would do the same thing to them.

Who hosts your email is important. If you have your own web site, let’s say jennywilson.com, then having the email address jennyw@jennywilson.com is pretty impressive.

If you can’t host your own email, the only real option for a free account is through gmail.com. Nobody will think less of you for using Gmail.

But on the other hand, DO NOT use any aol.com address. People who still use aol.com email come across as unprofessional. Maybe your grandma still uses AOL, but professional people do not. If you are still, for some unfathomable reason, using AOL as your service provider, then use AOL to sign up for a Gmail account.

Make sure you choose a professional-sounding email address. You’re not going to get an interview if the recruiter has to type in “ilovesex69@gmail.com” in order to contact you. Likewise, no one wants to hire spongebobfan@ or tonylovessylvia@.

Stick to your real name: johnsmith@, john_smith@, johns@, jsmith@. Lots of people like to add their birthdate (johnsmith1963@), but are you sure you want to advertise your age up front?

Don’t get cute. The address johnsmithworksrealhard@gmail.com might get a laugh – and then your resume hits the round file. Keep your email address short, easy to spell, and directly relevant to you as a professional.

Good luck with your search!

Tags: Advice, computers, email, Job Search, job search advice

Can You Repeat the Question?

Here’s one piece of interview advice — repeat the question.

For instance:

Interviewer: “What do you think is your greatest flaw as an employee?”
Interviewee: “What do I think is my greatest flaw as an employee? I’m a perfectionist — I always want to do my job right.”

(By the way, don’t give that answer — everyone says that.)

Of course, you’re going to sound like an idiot if you immediately repeat every question. So mix it up:

Interviewer: “What is your favorite part of being a writer?”
Interviewee: “Working at home. That’s my favorite part.”

Why should you repeat the questions an interviewer asks? I can think of four reasons.

1.) It shows the interviewer you are really paying attention.

2.) Some people go off topic, without even realizing it. Repeating the question reinforces to your own brain what it is you’re supposed to be talking about.

3.) It buys you a few extra seconds to think of an answer.

4.) I’m reminded of a famous story that chef Anthony Bourdain tells in his excellent memoir – slash – guide for foodies, Kitchen Confidential.

Bourdain was interviewing for a job as chef for a famous New York City steakhouse. It was going very well until the owner asked Bourdain, “what do you know about me?”

Bourdain knew nothing about the owner, and said so. The interview became awkward, and Bourdain left knowing he wouldn’t get the job.

Walking down the street after leaving the restaurant, Bourdain suddenly realized — he had been asked “what do you know about meat?”

Now, if Bourdain had been following my advice, he would have answered “what do I know about you? Nothing, I’m afraid.” The owner would have laughed and repeated the question more clearly. Bourdain might have gotten the job.

So ask yourself, “should I repeat the questions that interviewers ask?”

Then answer, “Yes, I should repeat the questions that interviewers ask!”

Tags: Anthony Bourdain, interview tactics, interviews, job search advice, meat

The Median Isn’t the Message

While thinking about the current difficulties many Americans are facing in finding a job, I was reminded of an essay by one of my heroes, the famous evolutionary biologist and science popularizer Stephen J. Gould.

In 1982, Gould was diagnosed with abdominal mesothelioma, a rare and very deadly form of cancer associated with exposure to asbestos. Gould’s doctor told him the cancer would take his life in 8 months. The doctor’s exact words were that Gould had a “median mortality of eight months.”

Now most people, that is to say people who are not medical doctors, statisticians, or evolutionary biologists, would interpret the doctor to mean “you will be dead in eight months.”

Gould did not interpret it that way, because Gould was trained in statistics. He knew that the doctor’s estimate was a statistical distribution, a bell curve with a long tail. That is to say, Gould’s chances of dying the next day were very low; his chances of dying in less than eight months were good; of dying in eight months, excellent; of dying in five years, low, of dying in ten years very low.

But all those possibilities were covered by the statistical distribution. Gould did not have a bomb in his chest that would go off in eight months. He might die soon — but he might not.

So Gould did not live his life as if he were on the brink of death. And in fact, he lived another 20 years, finally passing away in 2002, just a few months after I met him at a Skeptic’s Society event in his honor.

That Gould lived another two decades is not a miracle. It’s a contingency covered by the statistical distribution. Gould’s chances of living two decades were very, very low. But the chance was there, and he lucked out — along with a lot of positive thinking and refusing to give up.

What does this have to do with finding a job?

This is a terrible time to look for a job. All the statistics tell us so. There are fewer and fewer jobs available, with an increasing number of job seekers. Your statistical chances of finding a new job are dropping every day.

But that’s just the statistical distribution. There are some jobs — and someone will get those jobs. Maybe you.

Pay too much attention to the statistics, and you might give up. Don’t. Just because a chart says job-seekers have a low chance of finding work, doesn’t mean you won’t find work. With right attitude and some hard work, you can “luck out” the way Gould did.

Tags: Job Search, job search advice, mathematics, medicine, science, statistics, Stephen J. Gould

Don’t Let Illness Derail Your Job Search

It’s just an unavoidable fact — the stress of a prolonged job search can cause physical illness, that makes it even harder to find new work.

If you have ever been unemployed for more than a few weeks, you know what I’m talking about — cold and flu, depression, headaches, chronic tiredness. All these symptoms are triggered by the stress and worry of your job search, and the economic problems that come with being unemployed.

But there are ways to fight back.

Take care of your physical health. Concentrate on eating right and exercising. Take a walk every day — this will help with both stress and keeping your immune system strong. If you already exercise regularly, then keep it up! And eat right — this is not the time to be vegging on your couch eating Doritos all day. Stick to three healthy meals, and you’re likely to improve your health and save money in a difficult financial time.

Take care of your mental health. Stress reactions that worked so well for our evolutionary forbears on the Serengeti — panic, anxiety, fear — don’t help us so much with modern problems. It’s one thing to be concerned about your career and financial prospects, and quite another to paralyze yourself with negative emotions. Don’t pretend you can deal with this on your own. Talk to friends, family members, clergy or professional advisers about your fears. If it’s really bad, see a psychiatrist — you don’t have to be crazy to seek medical help. If your emotions are getting in the way of your job search, then please see a doctor. If you have no insurance or benefits, then look online for free help in your area.

Don’t exaggerate your problems. Yes, this is a very difficult time to be looking for work, and it’s not helpful to pretend that it isn’t. But if you convince yourself this is the end of the world, it may become a self-fulfillng prophecy. Commit yourself to your job search — work on it every day. Open yourself up to the prospect of relocating, or changing careers, or taking on work outside your field that you may see as beneath you, even if just temporarily. America will get through this economic downturn. Your family will get through it. You will get through it.

Tags: anxiety, health, job search advice, mental health

Pedantry: A Simple Way to Impress Current or Future Employers

I’m a pedant when it comes to the English language. That’s a word that usually has a negative connotation, but I wear the label proudly.

From Wikipedia: “A pedant is a person who is overly concerned with formalism and precision, or who makes a show of learning… The term in English is typically used with a negative connotation, indicating someone overly concerned with minutiae and whose tone is perceived as condescending.”

Condescending? Is it condescending to point out when an adult professional is violating rules of grammar, punctuation, and spelling that they should have mastered in the third grade?

A lot of people seem to think proper English usage is unnecessary, especially online. They are wrong. There are a number of reasons to speak and write properly — clarity, for instance.

But in the workplace, proper language usage is vital. Especially in this new, disastrous economy, you need to do anything you can to put yourself ahead of other employees and applicants.

Even people who themselves are incapable of forming a correct sentence can recognize when someone else is writing or speaking properly. It’s impressive. It says “I am a well-educated professional person, and I take my job seriously.” You don’t have to be pedantic like me, and point out everyone’s mistakes, unless that’s part of your job (it’s part of mine). But by employing proper usage, you’re making a statement about yourself. It’s as important as business-appropriate clothing and personal hygiene, or showing up to work on time.

If you’re not a writer and editor like me, you may have fallen out of practice, or you may be making mistakes you don’t know are mistakes. You don’t have to take classes or read grammar guides to improve your business English, although that would help. You just need to start consciously paying attention to your speaking and writing. By eliminating carelessness, I assure you your English will improve quickly.

Here are some tips to get you started, based on common mistakes I see in my job.

1.) Use your computer’s spell check function, but never rely on it. If the spell check in your word processing software or on your web browser identifies a word as misspelled, don’t just let the program fix it. Check it yourself — sometimes the spell checker makes mistakes. Also, read through and edit your text even if you’ve used the spell check. When I originally typed this very paragraph, I wrote “word precessing.” Since “precessing” is a real word, the spell check didn’t catch it.

2.) Pluralize properly. The plural of “mouse” is “mice,” but the plural of “computer mouse” is “computer mouses.” Yes, really. Words that end in “s” just get an apostrophe, so it’s “my boss’ car,” not “my boss’s car,” unless you’re in England. There is no such word as “mediums.” The plural of “medium” is “media.” So say “I am an artist in several different media.” “Data” is always plural; the singular form is “datum” (isn’t Latin fun?). And proper pluralization brings us to:

3.) Subject verb agreement. What’s wrong with this sentence? “The group of high school seniors and sophomores were late for the big game.” The problem is that “group” is the subject of the sentence, not “seniors” and “sophomores.” And group is singular — “the group WAS late for the big game.” Always make sure your verb matches your subject. Likewise, “the mainstream media are castigating Obama,” not “is castigating.”

4.) Only use quotation marks for quotes. That’s it. Don’t use them for emphasis. Some people will put quotes around a word when they’re using the word sarcastically — “Jane went to see her so-called ‘boyfriend.’” This is okay on occasion, but don’t do it all the time. And as that last sentence showed, a quote within a quote gets ‘these marks,’ whatever they’re called (I didn’t claim to know everything). The final quotation mark goes after the punctuation. “Understand me?”

5.) Another pet peeve. “Literally” does not mean “a whole lot.” It means “take what I saw as literal, not figurative.” So “his head literally exploded” is wrong, if you mean he got angry. It’s only correct if his head literally exploded — like in the movie Scanners. Say “he jumped the gun” if someone started something too early, and “he literally jumped the gun” if the person was in a footrace, and started running before the starter pistol fired.

6.) I’ll leave you with this quote, apocryphally attributed to Winston Churchill:”Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put!”

I could go on for days, but this is a good start. This stuff is really easy, and following these “minutiae” will make you, your writing, and any work you do seem more professional.

Oh, and please don’t confuse “its” and “it’s.” It’s really annoying, and English has its rules for a reason!

Tags: Advice, English language, grammer, job search advice, language, pedantry, punctuation, workplace